As I write this, my mother is dying. She is in pain, looks horrible, and cries out a lot. It shakes me to the core to see her this way. She’s beyond recovery with any of the healers or healing I know.
My father, 86 and going strong, is her basic caretaker. He has refused most offers of help. When I return home to see them both, I struggle with what I see.
I’ve been reflecting on the insights here for you and me. This is a time of letting go and processing. There are at least three urgent life lessons that I feel compelled to share with you. Maybe you know them; maybe you don’t. But I feel obligated to describe them, hoping they will help all of us.
Here they are:
Health.
If you don’t take care of your health, your enjoyment of life, and most likely your length of time here, will suffer. This isn’t to be taken lightly. I’m not just talking about how you feel today, but how what you do today will influence how you feel a few years to decades from now. You are sculpting your future self from today’s thoughts, decisions and actions.
My mother hasn’t taken care of herself. For the last 13 years she has suffered from depression and procrastination. Over time, that created the deteriorating body I see today. Yet my father has exercised every day for the last fifty years. He’s 86 and basically in good health. Seeing him handle my mother is an inspiration.
Your health should be your top priority.
Wealth.
Unless you do something today about your finances, years to decades from now you may find yourself relying on others. That may not be a good thing. The health care system we currently have in the USA isn’t very healthy, or reliable. You don’t want to burden family or friends, and you don’t want to count on them. The only way out is to be financially free. That way you can hire the best care, even a personal doctor or nurse. You can take care of yourself and be comfortable.
My parents are “OK” financially. Their bills are paid. They have some insurance. But they can’t afford what I think my mother needs right now. I can, of course, and I am doing whatever my father will allow. But I don’t think you want to end up in a position where you are dependent on others.
Your wealth should be a top priority.
Happiness.
Throughout life, the goal seems to be happiness. A better word might be contentment. Yes, we want life experiences and “stuff,” but that’s because we think they will bring us happiness. The real goal is to be happy now.
My mother is not happy. My father is, or at least appears to be. And I confess that during this time with my mother I have had difficulty finding my center; that place of peace in the center of the cyclone. Yet happiness, or contentment, is the secret passageway to making all of life enjoyable, or at least acceptable.
Contentment should be your central priority.
Those life lessons are important. But how do you make them a reality?
Here are a few answers that have helped me:
Health.
Take care of your health
Today the average life span is about 78 years. Thanks to better nutrition and better medicine, we are living longer. But you can’t stop there. Read Dr. Marc Gitterle’s book on anti-aging, called Growing Young. I realize there are numerous books on health and wellness. I know Dr. Gitterle. He’s helped me. His book is a breakthrough. Get his e-book direct from his website or get the printed version at Amazon. (I don’t make a dime when you buy it.)
Wealth.
Take care of your finances
According to the Associated Press on November 17th, “People who are 90 or older have nearly tripled in number since 1980, to 1.9 million…The trend is posing unique health challenges and adding to rising government costs for the strained Medicare and Social Security programs.” Save yourself. Read Attract Money Now. It’s free. I wrote it to help you out of the money mess. Quit giving your power to others; quit being a victim; quit complaining. Find your path to freedom. Get it direct from this link: http://www.attractmoneynow.com (Remember, it’s free.)
Happiness.
Erase beliefs to be here now
This moment is the miracle. Even with all the challenges, even with all the sadness, even with all the suffering, this moment is still a miracle. Finding peace within the circumstances of the moment is your test. There are many ways to help yourself return to this moment. When I was getting on a plane to see my mother a few months ago, and I knew she was in ER and didn’t know what I was going to face, I had to slow down my breathing, quiet my mind, and return to the serenity of the moment. My being at peace when I got to see my mom also helped her relax.
When I review this post, I see that I’m describing what others have said is our search and our right: the pursuit of health, wealth, and happiness. It’s not new. It’s centuries old.
The real question is, are you actively pursuing these?
The key word is actively.
It’s one thing to nod your head and agree with me. It’s quite another to stand up and do something.
I’m asking you to do something.
As I was writing this post for you, I learned a friend of mine from college died.
Then I learned the mother of another friend passed away.
What’s the best way to deal with these life challenges?
Nature reminds us of the way:
A cat we’ve had for over ten years suddenly stopped eating, looked ill, and left. He was feral. We had never been able to touch him, let alone catch him. But I marvel at how in tune with nature he was. He didn’t complain or second guess or doubt. He accepted his moment and moved on.
Sandy moved on naturally
But the story gets even better.
Our dog, Wolfie, has never slept indoors at night. Not in ten years. Not during heavy rains or deep freezes. Never. But once our feral kitty left us, Wolfie moved in. Somehow Wolfie knew her friend no longer needed her outside for protection or company.
It’s inspiring to see nature work in such perfection. I want to be so in tune with my Divine connection to know what to do in each moment. For now, it’s writing this message to you.
What is it for you?
Finally, I’ve sometimes asked my readers to join me in holding an intention. Whether to stop a hurricane, clean up an oil spill, or put out wildfires, every time I’ve made such a request there was a measurable difference in the world.
This time I’m asking you to help my mother.
Please hold the intention that she is at peace in her body and mind. Send her love. Pray, clean, meditate, or whatever else you feel guided to do. Ask for her most benevolent outcome.
Thank you.
I love you.
Ao Akua,
PS — I wrote a song called “Three Months” that you’ll be able to hear on my forthcoming music CD, Strut! It’s based on a true story, where a friend was given three months to live. The song asks you to reflect on the question, “What would you do if you had three months to live?” It might be worth meditating on today, especially since tomorrow is Thanksgiving holiday in the USA: What would you do if you were given a short time on earth? What are you grateful for? Who are you grateful for? Who would you call? Thank? Hug? Kiss? What would you do? The moment to do something is right now. BTW, Happy Thanksgiving.
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71 Comments
Wonderful reminder, Joe. Loving and healing energy is being sent to your Mom, you and your family for the highest good of everyone.
Lots of love,
Velma
Dear Joe,
My prayers go to your mother. My own father passed away about a decade ago, after suffering a stroke that put him in a “zomby” state for 12 years…I sincerely hope that this won’t be the case with your mother.
No matter how the situation turns out, I think she must be proud to have a successful son who helps people for a living!
God Bless you!
Konstantinos
Hi Joe,
My prayer for your mother is that she is comforted now , relieved of pain and aguish. That the realization of the love surrounding her from her family and God be fully revealed now.
Included are the prayers for you and your family too. That you all feel the release of anguish, knowing the love and support that flows to you from so many.
Many blessings,
Tom
Dear Joe
Thank you so much for sharing your thoughts at this challenging time. If you’re able, talk to amazing, miraculous Miracles Coach Janeen Detrick about BodyTalk (she told us about it and we now use it daily in our work helping humans and animals find emotional balance and grow together.) You’re so right that the animals already know this instinctively, but the balancing of BodyTalk helps all living beings at the level they need. Because it is guided by Innate Wisdom, humans can’t interfere with their own personal agendas. It supports the” best outcome” for the individual and can bring both physical and emotional peace as needed.
Here’s their website: http://www.bodytalksystem.com
Hope this helps.
In the meantime, love and healing energy is being sent to your mother, your father, yourself and your whole family, again for the best outcome. Much love from your “birthday sister” (exact same birthday!) Sue Reid xxx
Thank you, Sue. I have done BodyTalk a lot and like it.
Healing as miracle from the heart of God to your mother.
You were the one that taught my that my outer reality is a reflection of my inner reality.
So as with you I will hold this intention of your mother finding peace and contentment.
Sandy is at one with the universe.
He is “in” Love, just like the news Esther Hicks broke about Jerry.
God bless you Joe.
God bless your Dad.
I’m sorry.
Please forgive me.
I love you.
Thank you.
And may God bless Mom she understanding.
God bless you and your family Dr. Vitale. I intend for your mother to be at peace and happy. Thank you for what you do. Happy Thanks Giving to you and yours with peace and joy.
The other Day this thought popped up in my mind: “I wonder how Joe sees death”. And I find all this to be so great and inspiring. Thank you!
I love you, I am sorry, please forgive me, thank you.
Joe,
Thanks you for reminding us of what is truly important!
I am sorry for your suffering and send you every warm wish I have.
Joefizz
I pray for your mother. May God be with her as always. May He give her peace and His will be done.
God bless
Jac
Thank you, Jac.
Wow. I think YOU need to learn more important life lessons Joe.
You have done nothing but criticise your mother and blame her for her situation. Not a word of love was spoken, not a word of understanding. Depression is a MEDICAL CONDITION!!!!!!!
My guess is you have not given her the support to help her find proper treatment. She is more than aware of your underlying disdain for her. You have helped make her life miserable. Good job!!
Wow. I’m not sure how you came to that conclusion — since you can’t possibly know what proper treatment she is getting — but I’m sorry. Please forgive me.
PP, I really feel that Joe loves his mother, as anyone would. I feel that Joe has done an excellent job in respecting his mother here simply by learning from her illness to help people like you and me to live a better life. I understand that you are singling out Joe for blaming his mother when in reality you are also blaming Joe. But this can be a growth point for you. Notice that when you judge others for something, chances are you also do the same thing, but turn your eye to it. Joe loves his mother, and he loves you, thats why he has used this life lesson to help people like you and me. Thank you for your honesty though, as without it, your own growth can not excel. And to Joe, god bless you and your mother and father. Nature will do the right thing, especially with all the beautiful prayers that me, you, and others are saying right now. God bless:)
Well said, Adam. Thank you.
Thank you Joe for sharing about your Mom. I believe that what all of us want, even crave most of all is to feel loved unconditionally and accepted exactly as we are and most of all by ourselves. This is my prayer for your Mom. I love you. I am sorry. Please forgive me. Thank you. poi,
Wai Ali’i,
Jimmy Piver
I totally agree, Jimmy. I feel the secret to helping is to feel unconditional acceptance and love. Thank you.
Whenever and whatever you ask for I give and it is a pleasure to be able to support you at this time. I hold an image of your mum at peace.
Thank you
I love you
Please forgive me
I’m sorry
Claire
Xxx
Thank you, Claire.
Hi Joe – I read your emails daily and thank you for sharing personal aspects of your life and experiences. I’m sorry to hear the end is near for your mother – we want them to be around for ever they have been such a big part of our lives. I think it makes us feel a bit vulnerable when someone close is running out of time. I too used to wonder what would I do if I only had a little time left – I don’t think anyone knows until they are in that situation. My husband was given 3 months to live – seven months ago. He has a nasty and aggressive brain tumor. So far he seems happy and content – he has adjusted to losing his short term memory and his eyesight – he can still laugh and smile which I feel is very important – he is enjoying catching up with friends and family – when the time is right and there is no joy in his life then I will give him permission to pass on – I think that to have loving family with you when you go is comforting to the person and their carers. Its hard, but at the same time peaceful for all – better then to lose someone quickly without warning I think. You can take time to talk about old times, good times etc. Be at peace with yourself and accept the love and prayers that are pouring in from your friends around the globe. You have many, many friends who are think of you and praying for you and your mother and father. Take care. You are very important to a lot of people in this world.
Jane, thank you so much for your heartfelt comment, especially when you have your own challenges at home. I greatly appreciate you. My love to you and your husband.
Just minutes before I opened your email, I did some smudging with white sage. I’m sending that positive healing energy to your mother. May she have peace- body and soul.
Sending you love and prayers. Someone told me when my mom died that there are only two kinds of people in this world: The ones whose mom has died and the ones who’s mom will die. And I realized how profound it was to shift from one group into the other group. That was eleven years ago and it was hard for me when she passed since there were so many other upheavals in my life also at the time. Recently though I’ve come to see how the cleaning and clearing work I’ve done around the beliefs I have for death/dying really were not beliefs that I’d chosen but ones that were accumulated unconsciously. And I’ve come to the place that I can celebrate life here physically and life here spiritually and there is a wonderful peacefulness in feeling that there is no differences between them that should make me feel awful. I hope you take the time to enjoy the moments you can with the only person who can hold the title of mom and respect her choices in life and death process as she transitions back to her spiritual life and with time you will find she is here more fully as she merges back into your white board. Blessings and love to you.
Thank you, Nancy. Just moments ago I learned that Jerry Hicks, of Abraham, passed along. I knew him and loved him. I am reminding myself that love is here and death is natural. http://goodvibeblog.com/jerry-hicks-says-goodbye/
Sending love to you and your family Joe.
Great post (as always!)
PS. Animals can be our greatest teachers!
Hi Joe,
I am sending you and your mother blessings and unconditional love. As you well know, Joe, just keep sending love and prayers to your mother and father.
God Bless and take care,
Thomas
Thank you for the message in your blog. You’ve shared great truth. Reading the comments taught me even more.
It also led me to have quite an epiphany this morning. One of the great gifts of love we can give is to honor another’s path. In observing their life, it teaches us many lessons. In offering them help, whether they choose to accept it or not, teaches us even more. In loving them through their choices, it teaches us love and compassion.
Sending love and light to you and your family. As your mom continues her journey my prayer for her is that she is led to her highest good.
Namaste! I am grateful for this message and insight.
Gina
Good point, Gina. Doing what we can while honoring another’s path seems to be the wisest road of all.
You have and continue to inspire me. My life has expanded in ways I never imagined. And it’s only just beginning. My gratitude to you, each and every day.
G
Holding a Intention for your dear Mother
Joe,
Taking a step back from what we perceive helps us take a step forward towards LOVE. I escorted both my Parent to their passing from Human living to Soulfull LOVE. I learned Compassionate and Comforting. I gained Happiness in Acceptance of all their Humaness.
Lots of Love to You and your Family (esp your Beloved Animals). Thank you so much for sharing.
Wendy
Wise words, Wendy. Thank you.
Joe,
Thanks for sharing this story. I can’t begin to imagine how difficult this all must be for you. I went through my own experience a year ago when my father who left when I was a child came into my life and then “left” again a short while later. I can’t articulate with any adequacy what the experience was like. It just was and I am so grateful for it. I hope it not presumptuous but I wrote about it on my website. I share it with you and your readers if you don’t mind. here is the link: http://www.spiritual-intuition.com/reflections.html
It is titled: Reflections of my Father – A rift in Illusion
Please know that my thoughts are with you as well as your mother (and your father). I imagine the devotion of your Father to his lifelong love and how hard it is for him to see her wither away. He must be a wonderful man, as are you. Thanks for all you do and God bless. All my best and my sincerest Thanksgiving holiday wish to you and your family.
Love,
Carl
Thank you, Carl. What an amazing thing life is.
Thanks Joe for your post. Wish your mother all the best . Always love what you did
I read your blog post TWICE. We seem to have this in common and our life lessons are – spot on to what you say. Our parents generation, often called the Bob Hope generation may be here to teach us these lessons. I for one, am ACTIVELY pursuing these three areas. Since 1998 I have made HEALTH my number one value. If I don’t HAVE my health, the wealth and what you call contentment, seem to matter less. Thank you for this lovely post. It is ALL in God’s hands and I have faith.
Hi Joe,
I wanted to share with you a story of how I learned the meaning of my Yupik Eskimo name.
I never knew the meaning of my Yupik Eskimo name, which was given to me by my family.
My Mom and I recently bumped into my old Yupik Eskimo teacher at a family food restaurant. I asked my Mother to ask my old teacher to tell her the meaning of my Yupik Eskimo name. She returned to our table with a business card given to her by my old teacher that had the following information written on the back of it: “Egmigarlia means Chris (my name).”
I said to my Mother “that cannot be the true meaning of my Yupik Eskimo name, what did he really say?”
She stated that he was very hesitant to provide her with the meaning. He eventually did. She was hesitant to tell me what he said.
I told her that I really wanted to know. After a little coaxing, she finally told me that the meaning of my Yupik Eskimo name, “Egmigalria” means “one who comes to an end, over and over again.”
A huge smile came to my face – I said to her “Wow, that name has such relevance in my life, as I am a firm believer in reincarnation!” – (a factoid about me which she did not know).
I wish for the most benevolent outcome for your Mother. I am sorry she is suffering, please forgive me. I love you. Thank you both for being such an influence in my life.
Please pass on this story to your Mother, let her know that we all come to an end, over and over again.
Excellent. 🙂
… so, can we use the Laws of the Universe to live longer? And if yes, could we use’em to live forever?
Yes, of course.
Sending you and your family wishes for love and peace at this time.
Sending love and healing light to your mother
May peace be with you and your Mother,
It is a difficult time for all involved, my mother passed over 15 years ago, my salvation came from being able to thank her for my growth and inspiration that she offered as I grew, my being able to say good bye was the most inspiring and life filling event that I have ever experienced.
May the divine be with you and your Mother.
Love
Peter
God Bless you, Joe! Sending angels to comfort you all. May they surround you all in their love & light and give you peace. I’m sorry, please forgive me, thank you, I love you! In my prayers. XO
I am very moved by your article Joe, thank you for sharing your heart with us. I am holding your mother, your father and you in the light of love – may you all be peaceful and at ease …
Love and blessings to you for all the gifts you bring to the world.
My heart is with you, Joe, and with your Mom and Dad during this challenge. I lost my Mom and Dad five years ago, four months apart, and my birth mother died a month ago. I’m holding the intention for your Mom as you have asked. May it be the most benevolent outcome.
Dear Joe,
Nine years ago, this same time of year, my mother was going through the same kind of pain you described about your mother. My mom was dying of cirrhosis of the liver. It’s a horrible way to die because of the intense pain and deterioration of the internal organs, which occurs so rapidly. It leaves loved ones feeling helpless and confused as to why anyone has to suffer so much. The only way I was able to get through watching her suffer in such pain was to tell myself that she was on her own particular journey, and whatever she was going through was meant to be experienced. My heart truly goes out to you because I know what a hard time this is for you.
I am sending a heartfelt intention for your mother to be at peace with her mind and body. I truly believe this will occur naturally because I believe I saw it in my mother. The day before she passed away she wouldn’t get up for any of the nurses, but when I arrived she asked to get in her wheelchair. It was extremely difficult for her because every part of her body hurt. She wanted to go look outside. I wheeled her to the front of the building and she just sat there in silence looking out at the trees. I felt she knew it would be the last time she would ever see the world and she was okay with it all. It was one of the most difficult moments I’ve ever experienced but at the same time one of the most profound. It allowed me to see how precious our time here really is. Now, when my life gets crazy busy, I remind myself to stop and look at everything around me to really “see” it.
I am sending out an intention for peace and inner strength to be with you and your family during this time. Remember to take care of yourself and rest.
Warmest regards,
Beverly
Wow Joe… you mentioned your mom’s health when we saw you yesterday… but in the busy-ness of filming we didn’t get to share in this with you. You were just there pouring your love on to us and into the hearts of the people the presentation was for. You are so loving and giving all of the time. Thank you for allowing all of us on your blog and in your life to contribute to the well-being of your mother’s health and spirit. Sabrina and I are holding the space of awakening for her and comfort in your heart that she is finding her way into the love and healing that you LIVE in. We LOVE you SO much!!! Namaste ~ Tristan & Sabrina
Thank you both. I love you.
Thank you for the reminder about what adds to the quality of our life while we are here – so true.
I feel for you with the situation w/your Mom, it’s hard for us when we must look at a loved one leaving, and painful too.
I believe your Mom came here to do what she wanted to do, whatever that may be, and maybe now she feels she has accomplished that. I would bet her soul will evolve from having a son like you 🙂
I will hold the intention of peace for her – and for you also Joe – and here is a virtual hug for you *HUG* 🙂
Sincerely,
Barb
Dear Joe.
Thanks for the THREE URGENT LIFE LESSONS.
It was something we need to think about.
I don’t have my parents any more.
I let you thing know for self.
I feel very though by this massage.
Because we have to appreciate what our parents was for us.
Joe all the best .
You are the perfection of you.
Thanks once more for all the mails I received for you.
Virginia El Foris-Grant
from Curacao.
Thank you for a beautiful post Joe.
So many changes for many of us.
Lots of letting go.
I am thinking of your mother and sending her love and blessings during her transition time.
And I send you love and blessings – thank you for all your great work.
You have my sympathy and empathy Joe.
It is very difficult watching your close family members deteriorate and die. There’s always a piece of you that dies with them. Sometimes that can be good, but it’s always sad. You also begin taking a hard look at your own mortality and your feelings about your own death.
Contentment, for me, in my opinion, can only be achieved whenever you let go of the expectations others have for you, that may even seem like or be your own expectations. Whether it’s yourself, parents, peers or spouses, contentment can only be found when you no longer allow expectations to control you.
May the angels give your mother peace and give you comfort.
Joe,
Thanks for letting us see things through your eyes. Your mother will be fine. All is as it should be. Be thankful for her time here and the lessons she taught. Her story intermingled with yours has now helped your readers.
Thank you, I love you.
-Carl
Healing of heart & mind go out to you Joe. I have been through the same struggles with family members and animal friends, and though it never gets any easier, the love of other spirits in “this realm” are reaching out help you to stay strong and have good memories of those that pass. As one of only two surviving members of a family of 10, and now dealing with a mentally & physically disabled sister who is rapidly declining, as well as my own health issues, I know there is a strong purpose in my life and I thank you for being a part of it through your love and messages. God bless you, Joe, and your mom and dad. Donna J.
Joe,
Peace. Divine Love surrounds her and fills her with peace. This peace resides behind the pain and I imagine that she is aware of the background of peace even now. I see this peace is comforting her and filling her with perfect and benevolent health. Divine Love is the truth. To your mom, your family, your friends, and your animals, I love you. I am sorry. Please, forgive me. Thank you.
All my Love,
Dawn
Joe,
We really are all one…it is inspiring and gratifying to hear you acknowledge that, in your asking for prayers / light/ sharing in helping your Mom. Know she may be your gift in dealing with the way she is. Lots of love and light to both of you.
Ruth
My thoughts and best wishes for her. My wishes for strength for you and your father.
I request the most benevolent outcome for your mother’s suffering that she’s going through.
Thank You
I Am Sorry
Please Forgive Me
I Love You
Dear Joe,
This is such a tender and sacred moment for your mother, your father, for you and all the lives you touch. Death can be so painful–my mom needed morphine in her final days.
But she is giving birth to her soul in the Higher Realms. Labor pains (even in reverse) are painful.
Could she have taken “better care” of herself? Maybe. What if this life passing is perfect? Who are we to judge in the greater scheme of things!
Love & Blessings,
Shelley
It’s so hard to watch loved ones in pain. My father passed away last year and it was heartbreaking to watch him in his last hours. In the end the most loving thing I could do was to let him go. Thoughts, prayers and best wishes for all of you. love and hugs.
Dear Joe, with all my heart I send a prayer of light to your mother. Thank you for sharing. Manuela
May the Divine Creator give your mother what is THE BEST for her.
Thank You. I love You.
many blessings of peace, love,closure and contentment, and a release of fear and worry to you, your mom, dad, and to all people. have you asked your mom what she needs to find closure?does she have unfinished business, does she think she has to suffer? does anything soothe her? i will keep cleaning!
Dear Joe, May the golden God cloak of peace, love and nurturing gently wrap around your mother, father, yourself and your family at this time. Love Cathie
Joe,
I wish your mother peace and comfort. I wish you, your father and any other family the strength to face the obstacles ahead. Positive energy and love sent your mother and family’s way.
Steven
Hi Joe,
I know this is rather late, but I wanted to comment here that I’ll also say a prayer for your mom. I know what she’s going through hurts you, but it also shows you love and care for her.
Certainly she’s made mistakes, some of which lead her to her current state. Don’t we all for something.
Anyway, you’re both still around for one another. Make those count, especially with the holidays around the corner!
Cleansing for your mother and my mother …i love you…please forgive me…i m sorry…thank you…..
Want to meet you this year !!!
Ciao Joe, dopo tanto cercare ho trovato come contattarti, avrai capito che ho forti problemi con internet. ho letto alcuni tuoi libri e quello che voglio che tu sappia è che trasmetti tanta gioia, tutte le tue emozioni positive arrivano attraverso le parole dei tuoi libri. Non ti racconto niente di me perchè sono una persona fra tante che ha gestito male la sua vita, come la maggior parte delle persone ho vissuto puntando il dito fuori di me e adesso attraverso i tuoi libri sto cercando di rimediare. Grazie di aver scritto tanti libri bellissimi, intelligenti e facili da mettere in pratica, Mi dispiace, ti prego perdonami,grazie, ti amo- Lorena
Citta di Ferrara Italia