The Win-Win-Win

A little-known secret to attracting success in all areas of life is to look for the win-win-win in every relationship.

• I don’t want to win but have the other side lose.
• I don’t want just a win-win, either, though both sides winning is pretty cool.
• I want to complete the circuit with everyone involved winning.

This is far more than what most people do.

Let me explain with a story.

For the last ten years we have lived peacefully in the Hill Country of Texas. We love it here. There is a vacant two acre lot beside my home office. The owners of it visit their property once a year. I try to buy it from them. They refuse. They come back a year later. I offer to buy it again. They refuse. And so it goes. The situation has been acceptable as they haven’t built anything on the property in all this time. It’s been quiet. All is well.

But recently they sent workers and surveyors out to their land. The writing was on the wall. Construction would begin soon. I was facing a year of noise from the building of their home, and then a lifetime of neighbors. I dreaded it. I was imagining my serenity gone forever.

I knew there had to be a win-win-win someplace here. I just couldn’t see it.

What was I going to do?

I went into my bag of tricks.

• I Nevillized the end result of owning the land.
• I used the Remembering Process and saw myself talking about owning the land a year after acquiring it.
• I practiced meditating on peace, so I could feel serene no matter what happened.
• I prayed to my guides and angels to show me the way.
• I cleaned and cleared.

I did everything I could think of.

But construction started anyway.

Where’s my win-win-win, I wondered?

Nerissa jumped online and found a five acre tract of land for sale near us. She looked it up to a get a sense of the price of land in our area. We were going to use that info to make a last ditch offer to buy the neighbor’s land. But her finding that information led me to come up with a wild idea.

Apparently all that cleaning, clearing and praying paid off.

I received an idea that I was pretty sure was genius.

I found the realtor for the five acres and told her, “If you’re good at one phone call, I can get you two sales of land.”

She was intrigued.

I told her the story of the two acres beside me. I told her about the five acres near us. And then I said —

“Call the owners of the two acres and tell them I will buy their land for the price of the five acres down the street.”

That would be a win-win-win.

This way I would get their land, they would get a much bigger lot for their home, and the realtor would get two sales.

Win-win-win.

Yes, I would be paying almost twice what the two acres are worth, but emotionally, that land meant a million dollars of freedom to me. It is well worth the investment.

Not everyone would do this, of course.

Most would fight to find a way to get the two acres and nudge out the neighbors. That’s a single win.

Another person might go for the win of the two acres, and try to help the owners of the acres find the equivalent land. That’s a win-win but not one to write home about.

Almost nobody would think to include the realtor. They’d use a shadow buyer to somehow cut out the realtor. But that’s a win-win, not a win-win-win.

Again, a little-known secret in life is to go for the win-win-win.

I do the same thing in my affiliate programs. If I endorse something, then I have used the program and love it so much I am now an affiliate for it (win), I know the creator of the program is making a fair profit from selling it through me (win), and I know the end buyer of it will be happy (win).

Why don’t more of us do this?

Most of the time we get lazy and just come from the mindset of taking care of our own needs. But I’ve found that the true joy in living is in taking care of your needs while you also take care of others.

Here’s one more story to illustrate my point…

Recently I was watching an incredible documentary called Rock Prophecies, about this amazing photographer for the rock stars.

Robert Knight has photographed the icons of music, from Led Zeppelin,  Slash, Jeff Beck, Rolling Stones to Stevie Ray Vaughan, Santana, Sick Puppies, and more. Today he looks for the yet to be discovered legends, such as Tyler Dow Bryant. His story is riveting and inspiring. (Get the DVD at http://www.rockprophecies.com)

The photographer typically doesn’t sell the negatives to his breathtaking rare photos. He was the only photographer at Stevie Ray Vaughan’s last concert, for example, yet he’s never released those photos. Or many others, of many other stars. He’s been offered over three million dollars for his entire collection. He won’t sell.

But then Robert’s mother got Alzheimer’s. She had to be put in into a constant care facility. This was going to cost about $9,000 a month.

The photographer didn’t know what he was going to do but he knew something had to be decided.

Out of apparently nowhere, the sister to Jimi Hendrix contacted Robert. They worked out a win-win-win deal where Robert would sell the negatives of his Jimi Hendrix photos to Jimi Hendrix’s sister and the Hendrix foundation, and in exchange he would get enough money to pay his mother’s health bills every month.

Obviously this is a win-win-win. Robert got the money. The Jimi Hendrix foundation got the rare photos. And Robert’s mother is getting the care she needs.

Do you see how this works?

What I’m really talking about here is love.

Love everyone involved in your negotiation and partnership and you’ll naturally attract the win-win-win.

The next time you are faced with a negotiation, a sale, or a relationship issue, ask yourself, “Where’s the win-win-win here?”

If you assume there is one, then your mind will start looking for it.

So turn on your mental radar for the next win-win-win.

It’s there.

Ao Akua,

Joe

PS — I’ve been reading an insightful little book titled It’s Not All About Me and think it’s appropriate to mention it here. While this book isn’t about negotiation per se, it is brilliant in explaining that you need to focus on others in order to build rapport and attract what you want. A breezy, heart expanding, thoughtful and practical read. I recommend it.

Really, it's not about you

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