When I was a kid I wanted to play the guitar. I told my parents. They listened and bought me a Roy Rogers cowboy guitar — made out of cardboard.
Being a smart kid, I knew the guitar was a symbol. It meant my parents didn’t believe in me. They never thought I would amount to anything as a guitar player. After all, if they had faith in me and my potential, they’d have bought me a really nice guitar.
I held that memory in my head for almost fifty years.
Fifty years!
That’s a long time to hold a grudge.
When I hooked up with Daniel Barrett, my music producer for my forthcoming album, and told him my sad Roy Rogers guitar story, he suggested I make peace with it.
1960s Roy Rogers Toy Guitar
He suggested I find an old Roy Rogers cardboard guitar and buy it. He thought there might be a lesson in it for me.
I didn’t think so.
But I trust Daniel and did what he asked. I searched, found a nice 1960s Roy Rogers toy guitar on eBay, and bought it.
When it arrived, I felt sick.
When I opened the box, I felt depressed.
There was that damn guitar again.
But I walked off my sadness, sat with the guitar, glanced at it every now and then, played it a little, and relaxed.
I started to remember all the warm fuzzies I had about Roy Rogers, the man, the singer, the actor, the legend.
Who didn’t like Roy Rogers?
Roy Rogers, the Singing Cowboy
He stood for good in the world.
He was the superman of the wild west.
It then occurred to me to get the background story on my parents giving me that guitar. After all, there might be more to what I remembered. So I called my 85-year-old father and asked him about it.
“Dad, do you remember that Roy Rogers guitar you gave me as a kid?”
“You mean that cheapee?” he quickly replied. “I drove to Pennsylvania in a blizzard to get that thing.”
“Why did you get me that particular guitar?”
“We were broke but we wanted to get you what you wanted,” he said. “We got you the best guitar we could afford at the time.”
And there it was.
The truth.
I felt tears well up in my eyes.
My father and me eating garlic and peanut butter (his idea not mine)
My parents did believe in me.
They simply struggled with money. My father was the bread winner in the family. He had an entire platoon of kids to raise. I wanted a guitar. He got me one, doing the best he could at the time.
And for almost fifty years I thought he didn’t believe in me!
My entire story was wrong.
Most likely you have stories from your childhood like this. When we’re too young to know how the world works, we make conclusions that simply aren’t true. (Actually, we do this as adults, too, but that’s a different blog post.)
“When I was a boy of fourteen, my father was so ignorant I could hardly stand to have the old man around. But when I got to be twenty-one, I was astonished by how much he’d learned in seven years.” – Mark Twain
Maybe it’s time to reexamine some of the childhood stories you still carry.
Maybe it’s time to revisit, understand or reinterpret, and forgive.
Maybe it’s time to dig out that Roy Rogers guitar and play a tune.
Pull up a chair…
Ao Akua,
PS – Now that I’ve decoded my childhood, the first song I wrote is a tribute to Roy Rogers. He was a cool guy. And if you’re a guitar collector like me, you might like to know that Roy’s own Martin OM-45 guitar sold for $460,000. You read it right. Almost half a million dollars. Roy bought it for $30 used in 1933 and never knew it was a rare guitar to begin with. It sold for more than Roy’s 1964 Bonneville convertible or his stuffed legendary horse, Trigger. You just never know the value of a guitar — emotionally or otherwise — even if it’s made out of cardboard.
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20 Comments
Very touching blog post, Joe. Thanks a lot.
Such a beautiful story.
It highlights the importance of making peace with our past.
I wonder how many forgotten ghosts still live trapped in the secret corners of our souls, crying to be understood and redeemed.
We keep them alive, linguering, hostage of our resentment.
If we could only bless them and let them go, they would finally rest, we would be free.
The release you feel from “letting go of bad feelings of the past” is very freeing. A huge weight you didn’t even know existed is lifted from your shoulders. I removed the weight from “my” shoulders by writing a fictional story about things that happened in my childhood. Learned through that . . . that forgiveness can come in the weirdest ways and when you least expect it. Just embrace it when it finally settles over you…and it’s like magic fairy dust. It sets you “free” so “you” can finally soar.
Thank you for sharing something so very personal. Growing up my parents were not, and still are not, the type of parents that encouraged the seven of us to go for our dreams, they are very practical people. When I would mention something I wanted to do with my life, I would be told that was only a ‘pipe dream’ and encouraged to either go to teaching school or work at one of the local factories (keep in mind, this was the 80s, not the 30s). I know that survival was key in our family being Dad was a welder not making more than a couple of bucks an hour and Mom was home with us kids, so it was hard to come by food and clothes etc, but we managed. I think my parents had their own dreams squashed, so they just wanted us to make sure we could feed ourselves. Well that backfired, it has been a constant struggle to feed my own family, but at the same token, I am working towards removing my own roadblocks to reach my dreams and not only pull out of poverty, but to make it to the top and I am starting to see progress 🙂 While I am not able to give my children the material things they want to help them reach their goals, I make it a point every single day to tell them they can and will do exactly what they want to do with their lives and they will succeed, no matter what. Not only that, I will support them 100% of the way (unless they want to be a stunt man or professional wrestler or something along those lines..in that case they only get 95% support and 5% lecture about being safe). Even if you don’t have the money to give your children the things they want, you can give them the encouragement they need and the faith that they will succeed reaching their goals and dreams…no matter what. Make sure you don’t set up roadblocks for your own children while you make peace with your own past and you will soon find yourself understanding why things in your own childhood have prevented you from manifesting your dreams. This will help you move to a level that lets you put your past behind you, so you can enjoy the moment.
Jo, here’s an idea…
you can share with us your progress with your new album
post some youtube videos… (sort of a mini reality show on youtube about your music)
Just some raw videos of you playing, writing, singing and recording in the studio.
I’m sure it would be fun for us and for you…You’ll get some real time feedback from your
audience who are going to be your new music fans.
Aude Aliquid Dignum – Dare Something Worthy : )
p.s: it’s a good title for a song…
What an amazing story! Thanks for sharing it and the profound lesson in it.
This is an awesome story. And the Mark Twain quote is so true to life. It did not dawn on me until my late twenties that my parents were the coolest, smartest, most loving people on plant earth. Figuring that out and accepting it changed my life too.
Very touching story….My tears almost melt down because this. Thanks Joe.
Made me think of my story, wanted to play sax, then piano, but to quote my Dad ” why don’t you play guitar we have one of those” so I did and I never looked back. I LOVE GUITAR!!!!! Thanks Dad….
such a sweet story to share with a Nevillized happy ending. i thought right off, it was a symbol from your parents of how much they believed in you and listened to your dreams.
for years, i asked for a nice guitar. i’d scrounged a uke from the basement and taught myself to play when i was small. then found an old six string that my dad left behind and took off two of the strings until my hands grew. saved for months to buy my first guitar but couldn’t afford the one i really wanted.
year after year, i would get skis or a tennis racket. something a brother or sister had asked for but not what i had wished for, a shiny, black steel string. then one Christmas, my little brother got to help pick out my dream present. only three but he kept the secret, checking every morning to make sure it was still hidden under the bed. i don’t know who was more thrilled that morning. i got another thrill when i presented my old guitar to a friend later in the day.
and every nite after, i sang to him. James Taylor’s You Can Close Your Eyes.
Thank you,Joe. This article is so good! It give me a lot, it makes me flow tears.I think it is also an expression of my heart!
Joe,
I had the same experience.. I’m about your age maybe as a year or so older… My parents bought me a cheap electric.. it was never of any worth to me for I thought the same as you did about Roy Rogers guitar.. I ended up avoiding it and always having the same feelings.. Thanks for sharing this for my parents could not afford a good guitar for me and I came to grips with .. they did the best they could… good story!
bu d
Great story and humble for someone with so much growth to share how much he still can learn. I cannot speak for everyone’s circumstances but our parent’s deserve the benefit of the doubt for having our best interests at heart and how cloudy our perspectives can be as teenagers and the children that we will always be to them. They are innately more ready to give themselves the small piece of bread while a small child grows to become unselfish to his parents. If someone cannot make peace with that then they can at least forgive them for being human and hope that their own children will do the same. For the inexcusable, be grateful for being given life and forgive them for your sake. if you cannot even do that, then please accept my apology for trying to put something painful in your life in a terse paragraph because only you know what you have gone through. I will mention this though, I have never regretted not telling anyone off. All the best-Wendy
Dearest Joe~
What a beautiful story and a beautiful, ingenius Divine Inner Child way to heal. I too did something similar to heal my past wounds many years ago with my inner child as well with my parents and other things that occurred in my life as well through a similar process that you describe and it is what I help mentor others in as well. The Master Artist we call Source/Spirit/All That Is/God has given this to me as The Forgiveness Release as in forgiving being giving thanks for, for giving, the gift that has been given, for everything that occurs has a beautiful gift within it if we are simply willing to see it.
What I have noticed in my mentoring others and is my question to you is this ~ What would you say to those people whom are free from having their parents here on this earth any longer to ask what you asked your dad? I know what I have shared in my mentoring others what I suggest and what has worked for me and others I mentor. I would appreciate it if you would share with me and others what your thoughts are upon this at some point to further expand on helping others with this process. Thank you so much for the amasing being of Love and Light you are. I honour you.
Espavo ~
Nenari
This story shows a lot of things. First, when we are a kids, we care a lot about what our parents think of us, it is something that can affect our selfesteem, our confidence, and of course our beliefs.
Second when you are a kid your logic is very black and white, there is not gray area. If your parents refuse to give you something you want, you assume you are bad or you don’t deserve it, and that goes to your beliefs’ system.
I think parents should take the time to explain to their kids every single choice they made that affect them. Not to take for granted that they must obey and accept their choices. The damage in the shape of blocking belief can remain for decades.
Great story; Joe. Thanks to your shared wisdom, I am working every day in removing fears and limiting beliefs.
Hi Joe,
My heart stopped when you revealed the truth behind your father’s gift.
If you should decide to go to our website and check us out, know that the CBS and FOX news clips, (especially the one referencing Elliot Spitzer’s sexcapade), as well as the staff photos, are out of date. We are in process of upgrades.
My deepest gratitude for the existence of you!
Heather
I was one of seven children and also the youngest. My father passed away when I was two years old. Mom was both mother and father to us. We did not have what other children had and no love was shown in the home as mom ruled with an iron fist and worked very hard. We were very sheltered children from having friends or going out and felt really lost. Because mom was a child bride and became a widow after only 10 years of marriage, she too was a child and thrown into this disparaging situation. She was a very angry woman and she thought her children should never have “happened” to her. She was probably very sad to find that she was pregnant almost every year. Her sadness and misery was passed down to all her children. We felt this all the years of growing up.
Each one of us got married because we couldn’t wait to leave home. We had very difficult marriages because we did not know how to communicate with our spouses and also to each other. Our love for one another only grew as we had our own children.
I have learnt a big lesson in all this. Not a day goes by that I don’t call my grandchildren to tell them how much I love them. I may not be able to give them all the luxuries other children have, but they know how special I make them feel. They are growing up to be great kids.
Four of my seven siblings in my family have passed away. Most of them never having come to terms with their unhappiness. I have been given the chance to make a difference through coming into contact with the little girl inside of me and telling her how sorry I am and how very special she is. I thank Dr.Vitale for giving me this chance on this earth. I have taken this opportunity to study everything there is on love, forgiveness and thankfulness to the Divine.
I know now in my senior years that its never too late to learn. I still have two more siblings left and I have made a concerted effort to help them deal with the pain left in their hearts. Thank you Joe, you have made a huge difference in my thinking and belief system.
really touching and beautiful story 🙂 our parents don´t have enough money to give us everything we would like to have but i know they do their best 🙂 i know one day i will give them back everything what they are doing for me and my sister…despite the fact that sometimes i am mad at them 😀
It took a very long time of being angry and lugging around excess baggage to finally come to the conclusion : I was letting my past rob me of today!