Now that I’m on an intense learning adventure to sing, play guitar, write my own music, and record my own album in 2011, I get to see what it’s like to struggle in the pursuit of a goal in a new category.
The key word is “new.”
I’ve written over fifty books. Writing another one would be easy. I’ve already wrestled with the demons in that category. I won.
But learning how to sing and play guitar is a new category for me. I’m struggling in it.
The struggle isn’t real. Not in any outward, measurable way. But it’s sure real otherwise. The struggle is within; it’s the conscious and unconscious thoughts of self judgment that make us fight with our own progress.
It’s not any fun, either.
Let me explain:
In my third lesson with Daniel Barrett (lead singer for the band PorterDavis), he asked me to play and sing I song I had been working on. (The acoustic guitar version of the Rob Thomas song Lonely No More. See PPS below.)
I did. But as soon as I made a mistake, my body tensed, my playing got awkward, my singing was strained, and my face filled with tension. I was even mad at myself.
Dan’s eyes grew large and he waved his hand to stop me, saying, “Man, you just brought in the entire Gestapo on yourself!”
I stopped.
I took a deep breath.
I reflected on what just happened.
A part of me wanted my singing and playing to be perfect. Even though there is nothing like perfection in the world — none of us can agree on the perfect song or singer, let alone much else — some aspect of my mind had set the bar so high that there was no way I was going to reach it. And when I flubbed, that same mind beat me silly.
I realized what I was doing.
You can’t really learn much when you’re in chains.
I took a deep breath.
I relaxed.
I let the chains drop.
I remembered that the goal is to sing and play and learn, and to have fun as I did so. Yes, I had lots to learn. But beating myself for my efforts wasn’t helping. At all.
Dan and I talked for a while about how we judge ourselves harshly. It’s a learned behavior. We all have it. Try to learn anything challenging and new and you’ll see what I mean.
A part of us is trying to please our inner critics — parents or teachers, family or friends, or even ourselves. We’re trying to learn, but when we don’t meet those invisible high standards and those invisible voices in our head, we lower the boom on ourselves.
That doesn’t help.
No wonder so many people give up on their goals, dreams and intentions.
A lot of who they are listening to, that is talking them out of their own best interests, is their own mind.
As Bruce Barton (who I wrote about in my book The Seven Lost Secrets of Success) once said:
“Nothing splendid has ever been achieved except by those who dared believe that something inside of them was superior to circumstances.”
If you’re trying to attract anything in your life, stop trying and start relaxing, all while moving toward your goal with intention, passion and action, and your results will accelerate.
Be as gentle with yourself as you would be with a baby learning to walk, or a puppy you’re training to sit up or roll over.
This is a huge insight.
My going through the process of learning to be a musician is letting me see how this works in me. I’m sharing it so you can reflect on how it works in you, too.
Don’t let the “Mind Gestapo” stop you or slow you.
It’s just a voice.
It’s just self-talk.
But you’re in control of it.
Bring in the Love Army instead.
Love yourself, your process and your present talents.
With love, you can achieve and attract what you want — and you’ll enjoy the adventure all the more.
I’m no longer struggling with playing guitar, singing, or writing my own music.
I’m now in charge of the voices in my head in this new category of learning.
I won.
You can win, too.
Ao Akua,
PS – This post also illustrates the need for a really good coach.
PPS – For funsies, here is singer/songwriter Rob Thomas (of the band Matchbox 20) performing the acoustic guitar version of his hit song, Lonely No More:
Member BBB 2003 – 2011
11 Comments
That’s how you know someone can really sing: minimal guitar, no special effects, no multiple takes. He’s got some real chops. Thanks for the listen.
Very interesting that you’ve wrote this right on time that I’ve decided to made some changes and learn something new on the area I’m working.
I’m a 3D artist and decided to focus on modeling characters and vehicles in 3D more than creating digital environments like I always do – and I got use to do. Technically they are very different than each other and requires different approach and skills.
Many times I gave up. Today one of those days I’m starting over again. And that article inspired me a lot.
Thank you for this Doc, some support I’ve never forget.
lots of love
K.
I love your column today, Joe. What I have been struggling with is something you learned a long time ago: marketing! I have made it this far in my life without ever being involved (consciously) in marketing, so it’s something I have had to learn. It’s been slow going. Ask me about life after death, ascended masters, past lives, spirituality, that’s easy, a walk in the park. But marketing? What’s that? I needed this column today to keep me going, as I was ready to chuck it all out the window. Thanks.
Joe, you’re awesome!
I needed to get my mind flowing to post an article today, and I knew if I came here I would find my mojo. Writing the post right now, thanks Joe! Have a beautiful weekend!
This is kind of off topic, but I thought I should share this; Im a big fan of monopoly, and I like to play it with all my friends. But theres something I’ve noticed thats reoccurring…those who struggle financially are the ones who loose in the game also, and those of my friends who prosper do so in the game too. It seems what happens in real life mirrors into the game also. This happens way to many times to be a coincidence, and I thought It’ be cool to share this with you as you talk about a prosperity mindset
Great post, Joe. It is wonderful that people have an opportunity to watch your journey unfold as you push your own comfort zone and learn something completely new. We’re all looking forward to hearing the magic you create.
Nice post Joe. It’s always nice to learn something new. Best regards from Croatia!
Ahhh,dear Joe!!!!!!!!!!!!!
This post was exactly what I needed and exactly now! I’m starting a new job tomorrow and the least I want is a Mind Gestapo!!!
Thank you for your words, I’ll fall asleep together with them and wake up calm and relaxed.
Hugs, Andrea
Great post! Just what I needed today as the Mind Gestapo are going hard out. I think I will stop and let the Love seep in . Thanks Joe
Hi Dr. Joe,
The silly thing about the Mind Gestapo is that it’s us, stopping ourselves.
The battle between lower and higher self is ongoing. By relaxing mind and body you can ignore the ego’s blabbering and listen to the intuitive whispers, telling you which way to go.
It’s all about being light as you push the limits of your comfort zone. With time and practice it becomes easier to be more gentle with yourself.
Thanks for sharing and have a powerful day!
Ryan
Dear Joe.
I have to say THANK you for your blog posts, and books.
You are a constant inspiration to me to get off my butt and DO! Life is to short to watch TV. Letting your brain turn into a pile goo mush.
You are my JOY FOR LIFE Teacher! And I can not thank you enough.
So, let me take this moment to teach YOU a little something. I hope it gives you the boost you are looking for.
1.) When I was a Teen, I had a Music teacher tell met that I could not sing. That I would never be able to sing, and that I was lying to myself thinking that I could. My Grandmother told me not to listen, that he was a bitter man. I did not listen to him. I listened to my Grandmother! I started singing in Church, and I also sang in a few weddings.
I do not sing much anymore, other than in my car, but this is because this is not my passion. (My passion is writing and I want to become a seminar teacher like you.) SO, If you where ever told that you could not sing…YES YOU CAN!
2.) My partner in life used to be a recording engineer in California for over 15 years. He is always telling me that the MAGIC of the music is in the recording engineers hands. I have seen him work, and I have heard mediocre song birds sound PHENOMINAL at his hands.
3.) Stage fright is a frame of mind. Just like the first time you made a speech, you had the butterflies doing a Jazzy Rumba in your tummy. This is the same thing, only with song. Practice with Friends and Family, then increase your audience, and DO NOT FORGET that WE WANT TO SEE THIS ON YOU TUBE! If you have not already done this! I WILL BE ONE OF THE FIRST TO APPLAUDE YOU!
I LOVE YOU JOE! I have all the faith in the world that you will overcome this as well.
–Diann…