Recently I gave a talk where I handed out copies of my books, audios, movies, etc, to each person who asked a question. The crowd loved it, as most crowds do.
It was also an illustration of the power of giving. I told stories of my giving money to causes and people, and even a beloved car to a friend, as examples that giving feels incredible.
But later at my booth a woman came up to me, explaining her dire financial circumstances, and asked for my help in choosing what product of mine to buy. She couldn’t decide.
As I talked with her, I learned she was a medic in the military. She was retiring soon and wanted to open her own business.
I thought about how our troops are helping us and decided I wanted to help back. So I handed her a copy of my bestselling CD and DVD course, The Secret to Attracting Money.
Bestselling CD and DVD course
She refused it.
I explained that learning how to receive was an important part of growing.
She cried, still refusing the gift.
I kept talking and she finally accepted it.
But the experience made me wonder why it’s so hard for most of us to receive anything.
Then it was my turn.
Later the same day my friend, Lori Anderson, asked me what I would say if I were given a choice between two gifts.
Lori Anderson
I was curious but suddenly vulnerable and protective.
She said, “I know you’re interested in the art work we saw earlier, and I know you’re interested in the handmade drum we saw. Which would you accept as a gift?”
I crossed my arms. I stared at Lori. I felt my heart open but yet my mind wanted to shut it all down. I was being offered a gift. A big one. Both were expensive. Both were treasures to me.
Knowing I had to tell the truth to remain in integrity, I replied, “The drum.”
“That’s what I thought,” she said. “I’ll go buy it for you.”
I stood there in shock. My body shook a little.
Can Beat This Gift
Why?
Years ago a coach would ask me and other clients, “How good can you stand it?”
He used the question as a way to probe our sense of deservingness. Most people self-sabotage when things get too good for their comfort zone. They feel they don’t deserve the extra good coming their way.
I’ve seen this behavior repeatedly in people. There have been people I have personally helped (at no charge) who suddenly reach a point where an inner switch goes off and they stop accepting my counsel. It’s been sad to see, as most of them have great potential (which is why I was helping them), but when they hit their ceiling for deservingness, they pulled back.
My friend Gay Hendricks puts it this way:
“What is the ‘Upper Limit Problem’? The ‘ULP’ is the human tendency to put the brakes on our positive energy when we’ve exceeded our unconscious thermostat setting for how good we can feel, how successful we can be, and how much love we can feel. The essential move we all need to master is learning to handle more positive energy, success and love.”
ULP it is.
I saw it that very same day when a friend I was freely helping suddenly insulted me by email, as an unconscious way to get me to halt my giving.
I saw it earlier that day with the medic who initially refused my gift.
And I saw it rear up in myself later still that same day when I was offered a one thousand dollar drum as a gift.
Learning to receive may be as powerful as learning to give. It’s a way to stretch your capacity to love.
Here’s the punchline to round out this story:
Later that very same day (yes, the same day) Mathew Dixon came up to me — not knowing any of the above — and told me of a drummer he met who was beaming with excitement because he had sold a special drum he made and he needed the money.
Of course, the drum he made was the one Lori bought and gifted to me.
Do you see the win-win-win?
The drummer made the sale, Lori got the joy of giving, and I received the beautiful drum.
And I absolutely love my drum.
Learn to give when you’re moved to do so — but also learn to receive when the moment comes.
How good can you stand it, anyway?
Ao Akua,
PS – If you’re ready to receive right now, go collect your free copy of my book, Attract Money Now. If you’re ready to give, tell somebody about it. 🙂
Heads Up: You can be one of the first to hear about my “Healing Music” CD by sending an email to [email protected]
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16 Comments
Hello Dr. Joe,
I’m Alfonso by the way and I’m from the Philippines. I’m buying “The Abundance Paradigm” once my ClickBank check clears in the bank. I have a question though. You see, I was wondering if I could use a subliminal affirmation mp3 while applying “The Abundance Paradigm” in the same time period.
Since you said that “The Abundance Paradigm” cleans all beliefs; positive or negative, does that mean that the affirmations programmed into me by the subliminal mp3 will just be erased by the techniques in “The Abundance Paradigm”? Thank you so much for releasing phenomenal and ground-breaking products. I’m looking forward to own “The Abundance Paradigm”.
Peace and prosperity,
Alfonso
It depends on the subliminal you use, but it should also help.
Thank you for taking the time to reply, Dr. Joe. I’m thankful.
that was an awesome lesson
thank you!
G!
Thank you. 🙂
Thank you for the reminder, Dr. Vitale! This is something that I ‘preach’ with my own clients, but oftentimes don’t ‘practice’. I’m realizing now the limiting beliefs I have that stem from childhood conditioning. My parents were wonderful people, but quite proud and often refused gifts that were offered by others in various forms. This is something I’m striving toward overcoming, and I appreciate you for putting it all into perspective!
Joe,
Lovely article, thanks 🙂
Can see why you were drawn to the drum, it looks beautiful, would be lovely to hear it played. I don’t know much about you, is drumming one of your talents?
I found the punchline just perfect, I think that too often we forget that our wealth can be beneficial to others as well as ourselves. I’d love to buy a Ferrari one day, which can seem an extreme indulgence, but the money I’ll pay for it will be spread amongst many people, not least the many skilled workers who will be involved in its manufacture.
Many things can appear to be an overpriced extravagance (and many times this may be justified), but often it is just a reflection of the dedication that went into making something that goes beyond the banal and produce something extraordinary and beautiful.
Patrick
Patrick, you’re funny.
Yes, give Patrick enough money to help the skilled workers.
How about give that wealth to someone else, and give Patrick the skills to build a Ferrari?
Hmmm…guess that doesn’t sound quite as appealing.
In other words, Divine, make me wealthy, and I’ll help them, but don’t make them wealthy, and not me?
Hi MZ, I think you misunderstood the gist of my post and read things into it that I never said, maybe because I was trying to keep my post short rather than writing an article to express what I meant.
I think a lot of people have guilt about having money and think that to then go and spend it on something as flamboyant as a Ferrari seems extravagant and uncaring of the poor in this world.
I was saying that in fact it can be beneficial to others in ways that are not immediately apparent. If nobody bought Ferraris because they thought they were a self-indulgent waste of money – that could be better spent helping the poor in Africa for example – then all the workers employed at the Ferrari factory would be without a job and hence an income to support themselves and their families, but the ripples would spread to all the businesses that would have benefited from the money the Ferrari workers had to spend when employed and onward from there to those who would have received from them.
I appreciate craftsmanship, I value those who are prepared to dedicate themselves to learning a skill, so that they can bring beauty to the world. I could obviously never build a Ferrari, but I do have creative skills and it feels good when these are appreciated by others. We can’t all become skilled in everything, so we exchange our talents with others. I’m not pretending the system that exists, or money as the medium of our exchange, is anywhere near perfect.
Money is an expression of our energy, I believe it is something we should pass on, rather than hold onto – which is usually because of a fear that it will stop flowing to us. It is not a case of The Divine, God, The Universe, Infinite Wisdom, whatever we want to call it making me wealthy (the reality is I am, you are, we all are), we just need to let it happen and flow. Tricky, I know, because I’m still unsticking even though I’ve read loads of books and believe the truth of this.
Returning to the punchline of Joe’s article, if he had refused to accept the generous gift from Lori, or if she had felt that it was too much to spend, everyone would have lost out; Joe, because he didn’t receive a special gift and one that gives him great pleasure and no doubt memories of the occasion he was given it; Lori, because she didn’t have the genuine pleasure of being able to give something to someone who ‘has everything’; The Drummer, who would have probably been wondering if anyone realised what an amazing drum he had crafted, let alone his immediate need for cash. I really find this such a perfect illustration of how beautifully things work once we let go of our mind and just do what we feel is right to us.
Hope you can see what I was trying to say now … I’m not so bad 🙂
Patrick
Wow…. Amazing article, Patrick! You really nailed it! 🙂
I want to buy the downloadable version of The Abundance Paradigm from Nightingale Conant, but am unable to because they dont accept paypal (i dont have any other method of payment); would there be anyway you could provide some assistance for me to purchace it?
thank you
I have been working with Ho’ oponopono technique for about 4 months now and I am really feeling an inner change, more peace and definitely a great need for patience and letting the Divine intention be my intention. I sincerely and seriously want to attend the live weekend seminar for the Zero Limits. Can you respond back to me at [email protected] of the schedule for the weekend seminars. Thanks. Love To All. Erven in Tampa……
More than 20 years ago, close to my 19th birthday, I terminated a relationship with a woman while I was extremely in love with her, and everything about the relationship was good. And I didn’t manage to reestablish the relationship, even though I wanted to. Still hurts a lot when I think about this.
I guess this is an example of the ULP: I was too much in love and my inner self-sabotage system stopped it. 🙁
You’re so right Joe! Giving seems often to be easier than receiving.
hola ,necesito saber ,si encuenntro esta pagina en español? soy de chile.gracias
Hi Joe,
Thank for sharing your story and thoughts about ULP. It was a great reminder as usual and you are right. All too often we are just not prepared to receive or self-sabotage ourselves thinking we are not ‘deserving’.
Here’s to your success,
Xavier