Tag: self help

Whenever you attempt a new goal, no matter what it is, you have to be aware of critics or criticism.

I’ve had my share of them over the decades.

It used to trouble me, as I didn’t understand how some people could be so negative or hurtful.

But an insight from science helped me.

It came from my favorite science author, Loretta Graziano Breuning. Her book on cynicism, Beyond Cynical, explained that critics have a chemical that goes off in their brain when they criticize someone.

In short, they feel good about themselves because they feel superior to someone else.

This feeling of “one up” comes from a serotonin shot in their brain.

Emmet Fox, a legendary author of metaphysical books, explained, “Criticism is an indirect form of self-boasting.”

When someone puts down you or your idea, it makes him or her feel smarter than you; better than you.

Critics like that feeling.

Loretta’s book, Beyond Cynical: Transcend Your Mammalian Negativity, grabbed me as soon as I read the back cover copy:

“Cynicism feels good because it triggers the brain chemicals that make us happy. It triggers dopamine by making things seem predictable. It boosts serotonin by making you feel superior to ‘the jerks.’ It stimulates oxytocin by cementing social alliances. Cynicism relieves cortisol as you fight or flee in your mind. Negativity is natural, but you can go beyond it if you choose.”

Now criticism makes sense.

Critics spread their negativity not to help others, but to help themselves.

It’s a type of drug addiction.

Only the drug is in their brain.

In other words, critics often criticize simply to (unconsciously) make themselves feel good.

They get a chemical rush in their brain, they like it, and they want more of it.

And thus a critic is born.

But are critics or criticism helpful?

I’m not talking about professional critics.

An employed critic’s job is to review art, movies, books, food, music and such. I’m not convinced they truly help people, but that’s another article for another time.

I’m not talking about inner criticism, either.

Getting past your own “monkey mind” of self-talking negativity is part of the awakening process to achieve your goals. But that’s also for another time and another article.

I’m not talking about invited criticism, either.

Visionary giant Elon Musk of Tesla and SpaceX advises to constantly seek criticism. He says, “A well-thought-out critique of whatever you’re doing is as valuable as gold.”

What I am talking about here are the people who offer their criticism without your asking for it.

These are the people who show up and rain on your parade, before you even begin parading.

They don’t even like the idea of a parade, let alone your own parade.

And they don’t like rain, either.

How do you handle these people?

My rule of thumb is this: when you are starting a path to a goal, don’t share your dream with anyone except those who can help you attain it.

For example:

I have a ten-year-old great nephew who wants to build a car company.

Yes, a car company.

He has ideas for the make, model, name, and more. I’m in awe at his enthusiasm and creativity. I marvel at his ability to dream big, fearlessly and relentlessly. I wasn’t like that at age ten.

I was at a party with him once.

He started to share his auto design ideas with a relative.

But the relative started to bat down and criticize my great-nephew’s ideas.

“That’s been done before,” this critiquing relative told him. “None of your ideas are original.”

This same critic added, “Don’t be afraid of criticism. Welcome criticism.”

The critic’s comments were not helping my great nephew.

They were not practical suggestions.

They were not improvements or refinements.

They were dismissals.

Of course, most ideas have been done before.

The trick is to combine them and reinvent them and extend them so they become something new.

There will always be “new” cars that are “just” refinements of other cars. And some of these new cars will sell well.

So my nephew has as much a chance as anyone to create a car company that succeeds.

Besides, he’s only ten. Let him dream.

I don’t think my great nephew was swayed or stopped by the unsolicited criticism, which is a testament to the fortitude of him and youth.

In fact, when I checked on him later, he was still exuberant about making cars.

He told me, “You’re getting the first one I make, Uncle Joe. It’ll just cost you one thousand dollars for parts and stuff.” (He’s a kid. He has no idea of money yet.)

But not everyone is like that.

Even today, I keep my big goals to myself.

I don’t invite negativity.

I only invite support and input from people who might be able to help me achieve the goals.

You have to protect your dream in the early stages.

It’s much like an unborn child. You don’t want people judging you or it before it is even born.

If you are wanting to start a business, for example, I wouldn’t invite criticism.

Instead, invite people who have acknowledged success in the area of starting a new business.

Ask their advice, suggestions, and input, but not criticism.

I see uninvited critics as people who kill dreamers and dreams.

“If you have no will to change it, you have no right to criticize It.” — Mark Twain

I agree with Twain.

If you have something to offer to help a dreamer achieve their goals, then offer it.

But to condemn, criticize, complain, or any way rain on the parade, or darken a person’s sunshine, isn’t helpful. If that’s all you got, you should remain quiet.

Mark Twain also said, “Keep away from people who try to belittle your ambitions. Small people always do that, but the really great make you feel that you, too, can become great.”

My own policy is to encourage people.

“I have yet to find the man, however exalted his station, who did not do better work and put forth greater effort under a spirit of approval than under a spirit of criticism.” — Charles Schwab

Since I have no idea what the future holds, there’s no possible way for me to accurately predict if any idea will work or not.

So if I see or hear of someone pursuing a dream, I cheer him or her on.

I got the nickname “Mr. Fire” decades ago for this trait of always “lighting a fire” under people to go for their dreams.

Besides, encouraging people lights up my brain.

It’s my brain drug.

It feels good to help, to serve, to encourage.

Goethe said, “Correction does much, but encouragement does more.”

I’ve found being encouraged a type of fuel for my success.

Actor Kevin Bacon said, “A good director creates an environment, which gives the actor the encouragement to fly.”

When I was filming my first acting role, the director (Liz Tabish) made me feel safe and encouraged me.

As a result, my first starring role in an indie movie was easy and fun.

And according to the early reviews of Cecilia, I did pretty well, too.

In the end, you have to follow your dreams to feel fully alive, despite encouragement or criticism.

Of course, at some point you have to complete your project and release it to the world.

And that’s when you can expect critics and criticism.

When I was recording my first album back in 2012, a musician friend warned me, “Gird your loins! When you release your music, everyone will slam it. Just remember there are people who don’t like the Beatles, and I think they were gods.”

A friend of mine once said that “success breeds contempt.”

It helps explain why so many of my friends turned against me when my levels of success started to escalate beyond the sky.

It stirred the critics.

My point here is to keep your plans to yourself until they are complete.

And after that, remind yourself that there will always be critics.

“Do what you feel in your heart to be right–for you’ll be criticized anyway. You’ll be damned if you do, and damned if you don’t.” — Eleanor Roosevelt

Life is really about pursuing your own passions and purpose, despite the odds and the critics.

Whatever your goal, whether to attract money or health or a relationship or some big audacious dream, there will always be people who will say you can’t do it, or explain why it won’t work.

“Any fool can criticize, complain, and condemn–and most fools do. But it takes character and self-control to be understanding and forgiving.” — Dale Carnegie

Just remember that critics are drug addicts.

They get high on putting down others.

So understand them and forgive them.

And also realize there are always people who will cheer you on, believe in you, support you and encourage you.

“The key is to keep company only with people who uplift you, whose presence calls forth your best.” ~ Epictetus

Look for those cheerleaders in your life.

Surround yourself with them.

And let the critics criticize and complain.

Stay too busy going for your dreams to even notice them.

To quote author Elbert Hubbard, “The final proof of greatness lies in being able to endure criticism without resentment.”

‘Nuff said.

Ao Akua,

Joe

PS – You can find clarity and support in my Miracles Coaching program.

I love Law of Attraction quotes, inspiring and motivational quotes, and just any quotes that make me think.

Some of my favorite quotes include –

“Be the change that you wish to see in the world.” – Gandhi

“Darkness cannot drive out darkness: only light can do that. Hate cannot drive out hate; only love can do that.” – Martin Luther King, Jr.

“Amateurs sit and wait for inspiration, the rest of us just get up and go to work.” – Stephen King

“There are only two ways to live your life. One is as though nothing is a miracle. The other is as though everything is a miracle.” – Einstein

But I never thought people would be quoting me so much over the last thirty years that my quotes would end up in a book.

Well, meet Dr. Joe Vitale’s Greatest Law of Attraction Quotes.

This new book contains more Law of Attraction and related quotes than I want to count. Some of these have been tweeted and retweeted numerous times all over the Internet.

Some of the most popular are:

Of course, when you keep working on yourself, you keep growing. As a result, some of my quotes from my early years seem like contradictions to quotes from more recent years.

They don’t contradict; they compliment.

They are simply spoken from different “grades” of life.

Early on I said –

After reading my last post about overcoming fear to perform live on stage with my Band of Legends, I thought you might like to see a video of the world debut. Well, here you go:

The big mistake most people make when it comes to using the Law of Attraction – or using anything to achieve their goals and dreams – is wanting to know how.

“How do I make it happen?”

“What are the exact steps I should take?”

“How do I get from here to there?”

The thing is, you rarely if ever know how in advance.

Once you complete a goal and can hold it in your hand, or show it off to friends, you can explain the how of it.

You’ll then have a complete beginning-middle-ending story.

The puzzle will be revealed.

You can then explain the steps you took.

But not before you attract it.

Recently I surveyed my list, asking what book they would like to see me write next. While virtually everybody wanted more books like Zero Limits and AT Zero on ho’oponopono, a few wrote in some suggestions.

Those people were usually wanting to know how to attract something specifically, and how I did it.

They wanted stories of people revealing exactly how they attracted their goals.

They were asking for step-by-step plans.

This is the big mistake.

Let me explain:

When I was making a name for myself as a copywriter and marketer back in the 1990s, a lot of things occurred that I couldn’t predict, let alone know how to make happen.

For example, the Internet came along.

Who saw that coming?

I was one of the first to be online already – on what were called Bulletin Board Systems (a kind of miniature, local only, limited reach Internet) – so when the actual Internet was born, I was already there.

The speaking and writing I was doing in Houston, where I lived at the time, now being posted on CompuServe and AOL, broadcast my name across planet Earth.

It helped make me cyber-famous.

It was certainly an essential step in my career.

But I never saw it coming.

It was never on my to-do list.

How could it be?

Are you starting to see how this works?

During these same early years, I wrote a little book called Spiritual Marketing.

I released it online, free, and it touched millions of lives.

I never knew it would do anything. I released it to the world in the hope that it would help people.

But The New York Times wrote about it.

And Bob Proctor urged me to publish the book.

And it became an early print-on-demand book.

It was also my first Amazon bestseller.

But I wasn’t following a “how to make it happen” plan.

No such plan existed.

These synchronistic events were happening as a side result of my passion and persistence.

They were happening organically.

They were happening on the way to my dream.

I couldn’t predict them because I couldn’t see them.

They were on the unseen road ahead, to be discovered as I kept moving forward.

And along the way in this adventure a publisher contacted me. He later published my book, Spiritual Marketing, but with a new title: The Attractor Factor.

That became the most powerful and popular self-help book I’ve ever written.

And The Attractor Factor was given to a television producer in Australia. She read it and contacted me.

She said she wanted me to be in a movie she was making about the Law of Attraction.

It was to be called The Secret.

That movie changed my life.

It put me on Larry King’s television show, twice, and got me invited to speak in countries I didn’t know existed.

How do you make those things happen?

After all, none of them could have been foreseen.

When people ask for the step-by-step exact plan to make something happen, they are making the mistake of thinking there is such a plan.

There isn’t.

There is a general formula, but not a specific one.

There are formulas for helping you choose your intention, start taking action, and maintain momentum once you get going.

But there isn’t a specific “do this and then do this” plan.

Even Mark Twain knew it.

Twain said, on his 70^th birthday, “You can’t reach old age by another man’s road. My habits protect my life but they would assassinate you.”

Thinking you can copy the specific things I did in my life to attract and achieve specific results in your life is a big mistake.

Thinking there is a “how” to get where you want to go is an error.

You attract the results you want with the formulas I have revealed, in books like The Attractor Factor, Attract Money Now, and most recently in The Miracle.

Other self-help authors have other formulas.

Mine goes something like this:

1. Declare your intention or inspiration.
2. Take the first baby step to begin moving toward your goal.
3. Keep taking action on all next steps and new opportunities.
4. Surround yourself with positive people and messages.
5. Clear any limiting beliefs as you notice them.

You’ll notice there isn’t a specific task that will work for you and everybody else.

There isn’t because there’s no way to know it in advance.

Steve Jobs knew this, too.

Jobs once said, “You can’t connect the dots looking forward; you can only connect them looking backwards. So you have to trust that the dots will somehow connect in your future. You have to trust in something – your gut, destiny, life, karma, whatever.”

Melissa Etheridge told it to me this way –

“You just get on the path, you just do it, and that’s your intention, and then you let The Great Something bring you the stuff.”

Have faith that it’s all working out in your favor.

Have faith that “The Great Something” is – as I sing in my title track song on my new album – your “hidden ally” in life.

Have faith in yourself, the Universe, The Great Something, and your journey.

And then one day, after the dust has cleared, and you realized you attracted your goal, you can look back and tell the how of it all.

You can then connect the dots.

But all you can do today is the next obvious action step.

It’s the next “dot” that will lead to your success.

Dot by dot, by dot, you will get there.

Now go do today’s “dot.”

Expect Miracles.

Ao Akua,

Joe

PS – Check out www.MiraclesCoaching.com

The clown put on his makeup, staring into his mirror, moving with deliberate intent.

“You missed a spot,” said the ventriloquist dummy on the chair.

“You again?” asked the clown, turning to look but not really surprised. “Where’s your master?”

“Ha! I am my own master,” said the dummy. “The guy who plays the straight man in my act went to the bathroom.”

“Shouldn’t you rest your voice?” asked the clown.

The dummy laughed and asked, “You don’t know how this works, do you?”

“Nor do I care,” said the clown, still working on his makeup.

“You should care about more than your makeup,” advised the dummy. “The people don’t react to your face, they react to your antics.”

“What makes a wooden dummy so wise?”

“I come from a tree so I come from the earth,” he explained. “My wisdom is from direct contact with life.”

“But you have no heart. Or brain. Or lungs. Or any other organ.”

“And yet I can speak!” the dummy said, chuckling and bobbing his head on his little frame. “And yet I can think!”

“Well, the public always loves a clown,” said the clown, “while dummies are rude and disliked. Some people fear you.”

“And yet all I do is speak.”

“Exactly. All you do is speak.”

“What would you prefer I do?”

“Wash your clothes. Clean the room. Cut the grass. Juggle.”

“Morons can do all that.”

“Can you?”

The dummy’s owner returned.

The room was quiet.

“What’s happening?” he asked of the clown.

“Ask your dummy.”

The ventriloquist looked dumbfounded.

“He spoke?”

Ao Akua,

Joe

Note: Other Imaginotions by Dr. Joe Vitale

https://www.mrfire.com/law-of-attraction/imaginotions-part-one/

https://www.mrfire.com/law-of-attraction/imaginotions-part-two/

https://www.mrfire.com/law-of-attraction/imaginotions-part-three/

https://www.mrfire.com/law-of-attraction/imaginotions-part-four/

https://www.mrfire.com/law-of-attraction/imaginotions-part-five/